skeletons

don’t you wish you could have so much self control,

so much so that you starve yourself to death

denying your body the nourishment it craves

because you’re to busy chasing graves

deny, and restrict

with every grumble of your raging stomach cheering you closer to the finish line

you whine about how fat you are

but no one else sees what you see

how can it be that a girl like you, has been made a graveyard for skeletons like these?

 

checking label after label

googling the calorie content of every tiny morsel of food

that passes through your reluctant mouth

“oh, please don’t let my thighs get too big, from all the 300 calories i ate today!”

you will hope and wish

and wish and pray

that the hunger fades

and the fat stays away

keep cravings at bay

by guzzling a gallon of water

slowly inflating

your deserted stomach

numbing the pain,

silencing the desperate grumbles that reminds you that you are a human, not a dainty doll

you cannot go on like this.

the skeletons are winning.

 

no one will know the secret you hold

because you’ve become an expert at concealing and hiding

“i already ate”

yous say, seconds after throwing up your breakfast in the bathroom

but when the day comes where your body gets too weak

that you spend the day holed up in your room

because walking downstairs is just too exhausting

your hair starts to get thinner

your teeth are dissolving

yet, the coveted feeling of empty is just too delicious to abandon

isn’t this what you wanted?

the skeletons will say

as your once youthful pallor turns into a pale grey

 

people are not complimenting you anymore.

the astounded statements of

“wow, you’re so thin, what’s your secret?

i wish i was as thin as you”

have now ceased

people start to ask if you’re ill

they are starting to worry about you

but these skeletons

they feed off this worry

the bigger they grow and grow

the stronger they get

with every  utter of

“you look too skinny, are you sure you’re okay? have you eaten today?

you look tired! i can see your spine, and your hipbones are jutting out,

don’t you think you should see a doctor?”

 

learn to tune out logic and reason

because they just don’t understand

just how hard you’ve worked for this.

how much research you’ve done for this!

counting, googling, and scrolling pro-ana websites

ogling over skinny girls

and protruding rib-cages, skeletal collar bones,

sharp hipbones

reading words of affirmation

that helps you on your delusional mission

for thinness

but, not just “thin”

you want bony

skinny

shockingly,

painfully,

worryingly,

deathly thin

 

the skeletons have taken over now

you’re fast becoming one of them

but isn’t it wonderful to be feather-light?

isn’t it beautiful to feel so.. empty?

isn’t it glorious to have so many people hovering around you, asking if you’re okay?

doesn’t it feel great to have dark circles so bad that your eyes look like they’ve sunken into your head?

isn’t it marvelous to have your breath reek of the meal you threw up that day?

isn’t it just fabulous when every item of clothing, even a size 2 doesn’t fit you anymore?

isn’t it lovely when your hair breaks off when you touch it?

isn’t it just absolutely delightful how much people care about you when you’re skinny?

 

the skeletons were right.

you can sleep easy now.

 

 

 

 

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