don’t you wish you could have so much self control,
so much so that you starve yourself to death
denying your body the nourishment it craves
because you’re to busy chasing graves
deny, and restrict
with every grumble of your raging stomach cheering you closer to the finish line
you whine about how fat you are
but no one else sees what you see
how can it be that a girl like you, has been made a graveyard for skeletons like these?
checking label after label
googling the calorie content of every tiny morsel of food
that passes through your reluctant mouth
“oh, please don’t let my thighs get too big, from all the 300 calories i ate today!”
you will hope and wish
and wish and pray
that the hunger fades
and the fat stays away
keep cravings at bay
by guzzling a gallon of water
your deserted stomach
numbing the pain,
silencing the desperate grumbles that reminds you that you are a human, not a dainty doll
you cannot go on like this.
the skeletons are winning.
no one will know the secret you hold
because you’ve become an expert at concealing and hiding
“i already ate”
yous say, seconds after throwing up your breakfast in the bathroom
but when the day comes where your body gets too weak
that you spend the day holed up in your room
because walking downstairs is just too exhausting
your hair starts to get thinner
your teeth are dissolving
yet, the coveted feeling of empty is just too delicious to abandon
isn’t this what you wanted?
the skeletons will say
as your once youthful pallor turns into a pale grey
people are not complimenting you anymore.
the astounded statements of
“wow, you’re so thin, what’s your secret?
i wish i was as thin as you”
have now ceased
people start to ask if you’re ill
they are starting to worry about you
but these skeletons
they feed off this worry
the bigger they grow and grow
the stronger they get
with every utter of
“you look too skinny, are you sure you’re okay? have you eaten today?
you look tired! i can see your spine, and your hipbones are jutting out,
don’t you think you should see a doctor?”
learn to tune out logic and reason
because they just don’t understand
just how hard you’ve worked for this.
how much research you’ve done for this!
counting, googling, and scrolling pro-ana websites
ogling over skinny girls
and protruding rib-cages, skeletal collar bones,
reading words of affirmation
that helps you on your delusional mission
but, not just “thin”
you want bony
the skeletons have taken over now
you’re fast becoming one of them
but isn’t it wonderful to be feather-light?
isn’t it beautiful to feel so.. empty?
isn’t it glorious to have so many people hovering around you, asking if you’re okay?
doesn’t it feel great to have dark circles so bad that your eyes look like they’ve sunken into your head?
isn’t it marvelous to have your breath reek of the meal you threw up that day?
isn’t it just fabulous when every item of clothing, even a size 2 doesn’t fit you anymore?
isn’t it lovely when your hair breaks off when you touch it?
isn’t it just absolutely delightful how much people care about you when you’re skinny?
the skeletons were right.
you can sleep easy now.